MARCH 27, 2009

Well, I've procrastinated at updating the blog long enough. Besides that, the water is turned off in our compound for a few hours which limits what can be accomplished around here. So it seems a good time to write a few words.

The subject for this week is the wedding that Randy and I attended for the ADS Shanghai receptionist, Bonnie, on Saturday. We were pretty excited about this celebration as this was the first Chinese wedding party we'd attended in Shanghai. I didn't know where to start .... do I get a card and/or a gift? How much do we spend? Do we dress up or go casual? Randy found a website that he forwarded to me which outlined the general activities of the Chinese nuptials but didn't really help me with the above questions.

I'd sent an email to our Chinese American friend, Phil, to ask about the gift. He explained that I should try to come up with the red enveloped Chinese card into which I should place cash for a gift. Also, he sent along the Chinese symbols for double happiness which seem to adorn all the congratulatory cards that are purchased for a wedding. Our friend, Wind, generously offered to take me shopping for the card as I didn't have a clue where to begin. He suggested book stores because they would have the best selection.

Wind and I set off in the subway for People's Square and he guided me towards a street that was FULL of not only book stores, but gift paper, stationery supplies, and various items one would need for proper gift giving. Wind really felt that we should give a traditional western style card (he kept calling it a "Hallmark" card) because that is what we'd do if we were in the states. So we looked at some of those. The book stores had all kinds of cards, some in English, some in Chinese, some with English AND Chinese ... it was hard to decide. Wind did point out that we simply could NOT use a white envelope because that signified a funeral. But it did seem that the "Hallmark" cards were mostly in white envelopes. We finally settled on a card that had a blue envelope but I was still concerned about having the proper red Chinese envelope that really should be used for the cash. So I found a couple of the double happiness envelopes (it's really a red card stock envelope with a flap on the front that has some kind of flower or gold cord or other kind of ornamental design on it). Alan had asked me to pick up something for him as well so we shopped a bit until I finally had two Western cards and three Chinese red envelopes. I figured we'd have an assortment from which to chose.

As wedding party day approached, I agonized a bit over the dress code. This city always seems to surprise me in that regard. Just when I think I should be all dressed up, then everyone is casual .... and vice verse. I'd had some pearls strung for a dress that I thought would look nice. But on the day of the party, Randy informed me that Lifeng had said everyone should be very casual, in fact Lifeng was wearing jeans. Now I was confused. My expat girlfriends all agreed that we should get gussied up ... "It's expected of Westerners," I was informed. I finally decided on dress slacks, a nice jacket (with the pearls), and I carried a lovely Chinese silk clutch that nicely matched the ensemble. Randy wore nice trousers, a jacket, but no tie. I figured better to be somewhat over-dressed than under-dressed.

I should point out that in China, apparently a couple is considered officially "married" as soon as they pay for the license. The festivities and other regalia is completely ornamental and is mostly for show and tradition than accomplishing the union. There doesn't seem to be a priest, minister, or any other kind of official presiding over the event.

When we arrived at the restaurant in Anting, the room was set up like any other big Chinese event ..... big round tables with the glass lazy susans on them, approximately 10 people at each table. The groom's family greeted us at the door, many family members sporting boutonnieres or corsages. We signed a guest book on our way in.

The room was huge and lavishly decorated. Atop each table arose a very tall clear glass vase. At the top of each vase was a pretty rose arrangement in white and pink. But what I thought was interesting was that each vase was half filled with water, and a single rose floret floated on the water inside the vase underneath the arrangement which rested at the top of the vase ..... very lovely! There were pink and white balloons arranged in groupings on the wall. A brightly lit stage was at the far end of the room and on one side of the stage was a multi-tiered wedding cake in white and pink similar to what we'd see at an American wedding. There was a video slide display of the bride and groom, and several large life-sized photos of the happy couple decorated the stage.

There were bottled beverages (beer, wine, soda, juice) on each table along with the cold items that normally are served prior to a big Chinese feast .... cucumbers, cold marinated chicken (yes, the head was there too), jelly fish, smoked and dried fish (sort of like smelt) ... the usual assortment. We were guided to the correct table about halfway toward the stage on the right side where we shared a table with several other ADS employees. Shortly after we were seated, Bonnie appeared in the big white dress and veil to welcome us. There was recorded music playing through the loudspeakers, a combination of Chinese and modern western music. It was smoky, noisy, and boisterous .... as you'd expect any wedding reception to be.

Lifeng explained to us that there would be 2 or 3 parties associated with the marriage ceremony ... the bride's family hosts one, and the groom's family hosts one. Not sure where the third one comes in. This was apparently the groom's party. Lifeng added that as it was mostly the groom's family and friends, we'd have to be VERY supportive of Bonnie tonight. I would say that the room was set up for around 400 people but a few tables were not completely full. We were the only non-Asians (Randy, Alan, and myself) in the room.

Eventually, the lights in the room dimmed, and a spotlight shined on the door by which we'd entered the room. There stood Bonnie and her father. The groom was on the stage waiting with a large bouquet of roses. A recording of Allison Kraus singing, "You say it best when you say nothing at all," filled the air (an interesting choice) as Bonnie's father walked her down the "aisle" between the tables upon a bright red floor runner. A little boy and girl held up her train but there were no other attendants.

The groom met the two of them at about the halfway point where the groom knelt to exchange a few words with Bonnie's father (the official asking of the hand in marriage, I assume), and he then gave Bonnie the flowers. Eventually, he rose, and the father handed Bonnie's hand to the groom prior to them proceeding up the aisle toward the stage to the triumphant strains of Mendelssohn's "Wedding March." So far (other than everything being spoken in Chinese, it resembled a western style wedding).

At that point, various members of the family got up on the stage to speak with the assistance of a microphone. We couldn't understand a word of it but here and there, the other party-goers would applaud, so we did too. Eventually, the bride left the stage for the first of two costume changes and it was then that the food started coming out of the kitchen.

This party went on for two (plus) hours and I do not exaggerate one iota when I say that there were big pots and platters of food coming out of the kitchen to our table during the entire event!! There was chicken, pork, beef, squid (some of the best squid I've eaten here .... lightly grilled with a sweet BBQ sauce), shrimp (heads and all), lamb chops, several kinds of greens (collard and bok choys), asparagus, crab served on a Spanish rice mixture, lobster fried with a sweet/sour sauce, beautiful platters of fish, three kinds of soup (vegetable, sweet soup, and rice soup). I know I am not remembering everything .... it was overwhelming the amount of food on our table. And it just never seemed to stop!! Every time I started thinking, "Surely, this must be the end of it," out they'd come with something more.

Bonnie came back into the room in a beautiful gold metallic floor-length creation with a sparkling tiara on her head. There were more speakers brought onto the stage and time spent by Bonnie and her new husband greeting the guests who were busy gobbling up this incredible feast (I'm not sure if the bride and groom ever got the opportunity to eat!). I think it was at this point that we were treated to a spectacular indoor fireworks display on the stage floor. It was just a tad nerve wracking to see sparks ricocheting off the ceiling and wondering when the sprinkler system might start to gush .... oh yeah, this is China. Probably no sprinkler system!!

Eventually, Bonnie left one more time and returned in a red satin number with her hair piled way up on her head. She and her new husband pushed a cart that was filled with lit candles which were placed on each table (the unity candle portion of the program?). At that point, bride and groom went around the room for toasts with each table and a smoke for each man. Red boxes of cigarettes are passed around to all the men (like cigars when you have a new child) and it is expected that you will puff a congratulatory butt with all the other men at your table. Yes, even Randall smoked (although he remarked, plagiarizing Bill Clinton, "I did not inhale!"). It was at this point that we presented the BLUE enveloped Hallmark card which contained the RED envelope with the money inside. I think I covered all the (color) bases .... and not a white envelope in sight! The ADS fellows at our table had a good time mixing up a special "cocktail" of a bit of each of the bottled beverages on our table and insisting that the groom down the mixture when they arrived at our table for the toast ..... I guess boys will be boys no matter what their home country!!

Eventually the cake was cut, and large hunks were placed on each table. Interestingly, no one seemed to go for the cake (which was 90% frosting .... beautiful icing roses everywhere but not a lot of cake under them). Most everyone was interested in the watermelon which is often the traditional dessert at Chinese dinners. I did scoop out a bit of cake and was surprised to discover that it was filled with pineapple .... tasted a bit like pineapple upside down cake.

Bonnie must have personally thanked us three times for coming ... she seemed VERY pleased that we attended her wedding celebration. I suppose it was an honor for her to have the boss and his wife as her guests. Well, it was OUR honor to be included! Oh, and as for the dress code, we saw everything from jeans to prom wear. We were more than appropriate. We left for home carrying little pink and white boxes of chocolates that were given to each guest although nobody could possibly consume another bite!! I had to laugh on our way out the door when I saw many of the children from the party running around in the lobby laughing and playing with the balloons that had been pulled from the walls ... just like kids at most wedding receptions I have attended in the states!

Randy and I would like to personally thank Bonnie, her new husband, and their families for including us in their very special day. We had a terrific time and enjoyed every moment! Happy forever to the happy couple (how's that for double happiness?)!!